Lies people tell you when you’re job hunting.

LIE: There just aren’t enough jobs around.

REALITY: This line is complete boll*cks that people tell to make you feel better, sorry! I know this, cause I believed them for years! Any well-performing company will tell you they are constantly on the lookout, they’ve just gotta work out how to find you! Think of finding talent like the adult version of hide and seek.

LIE: Just email someone who works at the company you’re interested in and ask them to meet you for coffee. Seriously… it worked for me!Coffee? Really? When Job Hunting?

REALITY: Say what? Who would wanna meet with some stranger they met online to awkwardly sip coffee while I beg them to hire me? Please explain? Surely there’s a better way!

LIE: Hmm…I think maybe your industry is a dying one, there just seems to be no demand writers/creatives/designers/[insert literally any job] around anymore.

REALITY: These people are either trying to make you feel better, or they have no clue. Unless you’re going for full-time work as a lamplighter or switchboard operator, I can guarantee your chosen job exists and it’s IN DEMAND. You’ve just gotta find it.

LIE: Have you tried getting creative with your cover letter when job hunting? My friend’s cousin’s girlfriend got a job once because he wrote his whole cover letter in pirate talk. Awkward looking pirate when job hunting

REALITY: “Ahoy, friend! Give me a flaming job!” Firstly, how is talking like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean relevant to my application to be a Financial Planner? And secondly, this never happened, did it?

LIE: Maybe it’s your CV, have you tried getting professional help?

REALITY: They don’t get it, do they?  I’m not paying some ridiculous amount of cash so some opportunist can put my words into a fancy font whilst using an eggshell white background colour. IT SHOULDN’T MATTER!

LIE: Something will come up.Skydiving kitty when job hunting

REALITY: You’ve got just about the same amount of luck finding a money tree as you do having a job just ‘come up’ when job hunting. Unless you’re a well-connected miracle human who always lands on their feet, get this lie outta your head!

LIE: If you’re good at what you do, you’ll get noticed eventually!Yeah, if someone could go ahead and hire me now, that would be great when job hunting.

REALITY: Unfortunately, you don’t just “get noticed”, unless you’re a supermodel who gets spotted by an agent at the airport. Plus, how am I supposed to get someone to look at my eggshell white CV if I can’t get in contact with them to begin with?

LIE: It’s all about being at the right place at the right time.

REALITY: Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!!!  Luck is irrelevant. You’ve gotta empower yourself, take back the control.

LIE: Maybe you should go back to Uni and study something else instead of job hunting?no no no when job hunting

REALITY: I didn’t spend seven years getting my Masters, doing endless damage to my liver, and accumulating thousands of dollars in debt to simply ‘do another degree’!